LEFT LA MONDAY AT 4PM HEADED TO NYC. MAD TRAFFIC. I ALWAYS LIKED SUZUKI SAMURAI'S
4 HOURS LATER WE MADE OUR FIRST STOP IN NEEDLES CA, JUST OUTSIDE OF ARIZONA. KIND OF A SHIT HOLE. GOT GAS, TOOK A PISS, BOUGHT A MAP, CHECKED OUT SOME MERCH

THIS GUY HAD THE ILL TUCK IN STYLE. JUNK FOOD IS REAL POPULAR IN AMERICA. EVENTHO WE WERE STILL IN CALI THE SHIT FELT MAD COUNTRY BUMPKIN
WE ATE AT A CAFE NEXT DOOR & THEN I TOOK THE WHEEL. WE HAD TREES WITH US. BY THE TIME WE GOT TO ARIZONA WHICH WAS 20 MINS. LATER WE HAD TO STOP & I HAD TO LET JEMZS DRIVE. I WAS TRIPPIN'. I WAS SEEING MAD DEER & ELK THAT WEREN'T THERE. LAUGHIN MAD HARD & DRIVING TOO FAST. WE PULLED OVER & I WANDERED INTO ANOTHER GAS STATION. 10 MINUTES LATER HE COMES IN & WAS LIKE WTF ARE YOU DOING SHOPPING? I WAS WANDERING AROUND LOOKIN' AT JUNK. WE ON A MAD TIGHT SCHEDULE SO JAMES HAS BEING MAD TIGHT ALL WEEK. I'M SUPRISED HE EVEN PULLS OVER FOR ME TO TAKE A DUMP. WE DIDN'T MAKE THIS TRIP FOR FUN. HE'S IS MOVING BACK TO NY FROM LA & HE HAD TO GET HIS CAR BACK. SINCE I HAVE NO JOB & LIVE FOR SHIT LIKE THIS I DECIDED TO GO ALONG FOR THE RIDE. HE WANTED TO BE IN OHIO BY THURSDAY TO SEE HIS MOM ON BIRD DAY. WE GOT BACK IN THE CAR & AN HOUR LATER I WAS CONVINCED I LEFT MY FONE AT THE GAS STATION WE WERE JUST AT. I LOOKED EVERYWHERE IN THE CAR & IT WAS GONE. YO! JAMES WE GOTTA GO BACK. WHEN HE SAID WHY I SAID WE GOTTA GO CUZ I LEFT MY FONE IN ?. WE COULDN'T REMEMBER THE EXIT OR WHAT KIND OF GAS STATION IT WAS. HE SAID CHILL. SUDDENLY SHIT WASN'T FUNNY ANYMORE. I SPENT THE NEXT TWO HOURS THINKING I LOST MY BIRDBERRY. WHEN WE GOT TO FLAGSTAFF HE FOUND IT NEXT TO HIM EVENTHOUGH HE CHECKED A 1000 TIMES. SOME CHEECH & CHONG SHIT.

HAPPY AGAIN, I WENT IN TO ANOTHER GAS STATION TO USE THE RESTROOM. I WALKED IN & THOUGHT I WALKED INTO A ROBBERY IN PROGRESS. I FEEL BAD SAYING THAT CUZ THE DUDES WHO WORKED THERE WERE COOL TO US. I JUST DIDN'T EXPECT GAS STATION CLERKS TO LOOK LIKE THIS
I RAPPED W/ EM FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES ABOUT WHERE WE COULD FIND A BAR WITH BIRDS WHILE JAMES STOOD THERE ROLLING HIS EYES AT ME. FINALLY WE GOT IN THE CAR & HE LOOKS AT ME & GOES...NO MORE TREE'S FOR YOU BRO...YOU'RE KILLING ME" 2 HOURS LATER WE GOT TO...
STAYED AT A RED ROOF INN WHICH WAS OK & WENT TO BED. THE NEXT DAY HE WOKE ME UP AFTER ONLY SLEEPING 4 HOURS & WAS BEING A COCK A DOODLE DOUCHE ABOUT GETTING GOING. I WAS LIKE CALL FOR A LATE CHECK OUT! HE WASN'T HAVIN' IT. HE WAS SLAVE DRIVING US BACK TO NYC. WE HEADED TOWARDS SANTE FE FOR LUNCH. GAS IS MAD CHEAP OUT HERE
MAKING GOOD TIME MEANT HAVING TO TAKE MY SCENIC PICS AT 80 MPH'S WHILE I DROVE
WE GOT TO SANTE FE, ATE, SAW THIS
ON THE WAY BACK TO THE CAR I SAW SOME PUNKS DOWN IN AN EMBANKMENT TROOPIN. THIS GUY WAS LEAVING THE PACK CUZ HIS RIDE SHOWED UP. I DIDN'T KNOW DIM MAK GEAR WAS BIG IN NEW MEXICO
I WENT DOWN TO TALK TO THE OTHERS & ASKED IF I COULD GET A FLICK. DUDE IN THE JNCO'S GOES I'D RATHER NOT. WHAT'S IT FOR ANYWAY? I SAID ME & MY HOMEBIRD WERE DRIVING CROSS COUNTRY & THEY WERE THE FIRST KIDS WE'VE SEEN. THEY SAID OK I GUESS. THE BIRD ON THE RIGHT WAS AIGHT, THE TWO KIDS ON THE LEFT REMINDED ME OF THE HILLS HAVE EYES
THEY WERE CHILLIN' UNDER A BRIDGE DOWNTOWN
HIT THE ROAD AGAIN...NEXT STOP OKLAHOMA
OKLAHOMA IS NOT OK. MOST DEF THE WORST STATE ON THE TRIP. THERE'S NOTHING THERE. DRIVING ON THOSE ROADS AT NITE WAS LIKE SOME JEEPERS CREEPERS TYPE SHIT.
AT THE GAS STATION THEY HAD THE JESSIE THE BODY DOO RAG
THE MEXICAN COWBOY WAS LOOKIN AT ME LIKE I'M THE WIERD ONE
I HADN'T SEEN A GIRL IN SO LONG THE HOT TOPIC CHICK WHO SWEEPS UP IN THE FOOD COURT PART OF THE GAS STATION WAS LOOKING GOOD
WE WENT TO THE PIZZA HUT NEXT DOOR CUZ IT WAS THE ONLY FOOD AVAILABLE IN THE WHOLE TOWN. I DON'T CARE IF A MANSION WITH A SWIMMING POOL COSTS 5 DOLLARS A MONTH OUT HERE I COULDN'T LIVE HERE. WTF DO PEOPLE DO HERE? RENT VIDEOS & EAT I GUESS
I HAD TO ZOOM IN ON HILLBILLY JIM FROM OUTSIDE SO I DIDN'T MAKE HIM FEEL BAD. IT WASN'T THANKSGIVING YET BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN I FELT MAD THANKFUL FOR MY LIFE. GRANTED YOU CAN'T REALLY JUDGE A STATE FROM GAS STATIONS & FAST FOOD SPOTS BUT STILL. WE SAW A LOT OF OVER WIEGHT PEOPLE ON THE TRIP & HOW DO THEY GET SO BIG? LACK OF EXERCISE, DERESSION & DIET MAYBE. THIS SHIT IS RIDICULOUS
WE GOT BACK IN THE CAR & AFTER 10 HOURS OF DRIVING THAT DAY WE MADE IT TO WICHITA KANSAS. WE GOT INTO WICHITA AT 1:15 DYING GET A DRINK AT A BAR OR MAYBE A STRIP CLUB. AS WE ENETERED THE TOWN WE GOT PULLED OVER RIGHT AWAY. WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM OFFICER? HE SAYS "DID YOU KNOW ONE OF YOUR TAG LIGHT'S IS OUT?" TAG LIGHT? WTF IS THAT? APPARENTLY IT'S THE LIL LIGHT ABOVE THE LICENSE PLATE THAT ILLUMINATES YOUR TAGS. NEVER HEARD OF THAT BEFORE. HE WAS PRETTY NICE THO & JUST ASKED A BUNCH OF STUPID QUESTIONS & CHECKED US OUT & THEN LET US GO. I ASKED HIM IF HE KNEW WHERE THE BARS WERE & HE DIRECTED US SO WE RACED UP THE BLOCK DOING 83 TO GET A DRINK BEFORE LAST CALL. WE SHOWED UP AT THIS PLACE AT 1:45 AND ORDERED A BEER & A SHOT. THERE WERE ONLY TWO PEOPLE IN THE BAR NOT INCLUDING THE ASIAN BARTENDER, THESE GUYS...
TRENT & ROACH. THEY WERE CRAZED. YES THEY LOOKED AT US LIKE WE WERE OSAMA BUT AFTER 5 MINUTES THEY REALIZED WE WERE MORE LIKE OBAMA. WE KNEW THEM FOR 15 MINUTES...THIS VIDEO IS 5 MINUTES AFTER WE MET THEM...
I BEEN GETTING JESUS A LOT LATELY. THEY WANTED US TO COME WITH BUT WE DECIDED TO PASS & GET SOME SLEEP SINCE THE NEXT DAY WE HAD TO DRIVE ANOTHER 12 HOURS. GOT A ROOM AT THE SUPER 8 HOTEL & WENT TO BED. SHIT WAS MAD GRIMEY
THE NEXT MORNING JAMES DROVE US THRU KANSAS. WE STOPPED TO GET GAS & I HAD TO TAKE A SHIT SO BAD. I WENT INTO THE MENS ROOM & BOTH STALLS WERE OCCUPIED. I COULDN'T WAIT ANY LONGER MY STOMACH HURT SO MUCH SO I WENT INTO THE LADIES ROOM. IT'S KIND OF WIERD TAKING A DUMP NEXT TO ANOTHER LADY WHO'S GRUNTING IN THE NEXT STALL. I WAS DONE BUT SUDDENLY THERE WERE LIKE 5 WOMEN WAITING OUTSIDE MY STALL & TALKING. I WAITED IN THE STALL TEXTING JAMES TELLING HIM I WAS STUCK IN THE GIRLS ROOM. FINALLY I SAID FUCK IT & OPENED THE STALL DOOR & ALL THESE OLDER WHITE LADIES WERE LIKE WTF? I JUST BOUNCED. AFTER KANSAS WE CAME TO MISSOURI. KANSAS CITY IS IN MISSOURI I DON'T GET THAT. HERE'S WHERE THE ROYALS OR CHIEFS PLAY I GUESS
THIS GUY HAD A DEER CARCASS IN THE BACK...
I THINK IT'S THE FIREWORK CAPITOL OF THE WORLD CUZ THAT'S ALL THERE WAS THERE ASIDE FROM ADULT SUPER STORES

MY FAVORITE...PYRO CITY
MISSOURI IS ALSO KNOW FOR IT'S BBQ. WHEN I WOKE UP FROM A NAP JAMES WAS GETTING OFF THE FREEWAY AT A RIB PLACE CALLED BANDANAS THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD. IT WAS.THEY HAD 6 DIFFERENT STYLES OF BBQ SAUCE AT THE TABLE. SPICEY, HOT, KC, OG, SWEET, & ONE I CAN'T REMEMBER
THEN I GOT BEHIND THE WHEEL & THERE WAS A LOT OF THANKSGIVING TRAFFIC. UNLIKE JEMZ WHO HAS NO HIGHWAY EXPERIENCE, THE PARROT WAS RAISED ON SHIT LIKE POLE POSITION, OUTRUN, & CRUISING THE WORLD. I WEAVE IN AND OUT OF TRAFFIC GOING 90 WITH ONE HAND ON THE WHEEL WHILE THE OTHER SMOKES & FUCKS WITH THE RADIO. I DROVE US THRU ST. LOUIS. JEMZ WOULDN'T LET ME STOP TO TAKE A PIC OF THE ARC, HE SAID JUST GOOGLE IT
SHOUT OUT TO OZZIE SMITH WHOSE POSTER WAS ON MY WALL IN MIDDLE SCHOOL ALONG WITH RON HEXTALL, LAWRENCE TAYLOR, MICHAEL JORDAN & JOHN VANBIESBROOK
AFTER THAT WE DROVE THRU ILLINOIS WHERE WE GOT REAL LUCKY. AS I WAS FORMULA ONE DRIVING I SAW A COP HIDDEN JUST AS I WAS ABOUT TO PASS HIM. I BROKE FROM 85 DOWN TO 80 REAL QUICK THEN WHEN I LOOKED BACK I SAW HIM COMING OUT ONTO THE ROAD. SHIT. I SLOWED DOWN TO 70 & GOT IN THE SLOW LANE BETWEEN 2 TRUCKS. NEXT THING YOU KNOW THE COP CAR COMES UP ALONG SIDE US & INSTEAD PULLS OVER THE CAR THAT WAS BEHIND US WHEN I PASSED HIM. IT LOOKED JUST LIKE OUR CAR TOO. I THINK HE GOT THE WRONG GUY. FINALLY JAMES TOOK OVER & DROVE THE FINAL STRECH THRU INDIANA TO OUR FINAL DESTINATION...OHIO
WE DROVE TO DAYTON. A CITY KNOWN AS THE POOR MAN'S DETROIT. I KEPT CALLING IT DAYTONA ALL NITE BY MISTAKE CUZ I'M IN MIAMI MODE ALREADY. WE MET UP WITH HIS COLLEGE HOMEYS & DROPPED OUR BAGS OFF @ 1 AM. WE WERE AT THE BAR ORDERING BEVY'S BY 1:15. BARS DON'T CLOSE THERE TILL 2:30 & STRIP CLUBS ARE OPEN TILL 4:30...THAT'S MY KIND OF TOWN.

WHEN WE GOT TO OHIO THE OFFICIAL BLACK PERSON COUNT ON OUR TRIP WAS 5. THE OFFICIAL MIDDLE EASTERN COUNT WAS ZERO & THE BIRD COUNT WAS 3/4. BACK TO CIVILIZATION BABY. 3 SHOTS OF JACK & 2 BUDS IN 10 MINUTES...STIR CRAZY FROM BEING COOPED UP IN A CAR...TIME FOR SOME AKSHUN
I FELT LIKE I HAD JUST GOTTEN OUT OF JAIL OR BACK FROM IRAQ CUZ THE SIGHT OF THIS GIRL BENDING OVER PUT ME IN A BIRD FRENZY. SHE WAS THE HOTTEST ONE THERE BUT SHE WAS WITH THIS GUY WITH ARMS THE SIZE OF MY THIGH
DAYTON'S A CRAZY PLACE. BLACK & WHITE PEOPLE PARTYING DOWN TOGETHER IN UNITY....OBAMA!!!
GIRBAUD
ED HARDY IS A AD LOOK EVERYWHERE
LOTS OF WHITEBOYZ IN ECKO
LEAVE IT TO JAMES TO FIND THE CHICK W THE MGMT SHIT
ACROSS THE STREET A BIG FIGHT BROKE OUT OVER AT THE GRIMIEST CLUB IN DAYTON CALLED HAMMERJAX. PARROT WAS ON THE SCENE
SAW 2 FIGHTS IN A LIL OVER AN HOUR. DAYTON IS JUST LIKE...
EXCEPT FOR THE BUTTON DOWN DOUCHE BAGGERY
NO FLY GIRLS JUST UGLY FACES. BIRD AT THE DOOR WAS AIGHT COMPARED TO THE REST OF THE BUFFALO ROAMING AROUND THAT PLACE
WORST DRESSED IN OHIO GOES TO...
?
COPS IN THE BAR
IT WAS FREEZING BUT THE ASIAN GIRLS WERE DRESSED FOR MIAMI
LOTS OF DORKS
HOMELESS DUDE WAS COOL
ENUFF OF THIS MICKEY MOUSE BULLSHIT...STRIP CLUB TIME. WE DROVE 10 MINUTES TO THIS PLACE WHICH IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE BEST DAYTON HAS TO OFFER
LOCATED RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO THIS PLACE
WE HAD TO PAY 10 BUCKS TO BECOME MEMBERS & FILL OUT A BUNCH OF PAPER WORK. THIS PLACE IS KINDA ILL. ALL NUDE & YOU HAVE TO BRING YOUR OWN BOOZE. THEY GIVE YOU TWO DOLLAR BILLS TO TIP WITH NOT THAT I DO THAT. I ONLY FUCK WITH THE 2 FOR 1 SPECIALS
I DON'T LIKE TO SPEND MONEY ON STRIPPERS CUZ I DON'T HAVE ANY BUT AFTER THAT GRUELING DRIVE WITH NO BIRDS IN SITE I NEEDED A LIL R&R OR T&A WHATEVER YOU CALL IT. FORGOT TO CHANGE INTO MY SWEATPANTS FIRST. I WALKED IN & WENT STRAIGHT FOR THE HOTTEST ONE, THIS CAME ON AS HER PANTIES CAME OFF
WORKED UP AN APPETITE & HIT THE WAFFLE HOUSE AFTER
KISS MY GRITZ
SMOKED A CIGARETTE WITH THE WAFFLE HOUSE CRUE OUT BACK AFTER. I FEEL BAD FOR THE PEOPLE HERE CUZ JUST LIKE IN FLINT MICHIGAN & DETROIT THE CAR COMPANIES ARE WHAT KEEP THESE CITIES GOIN & THEY'RE ALL ABOUT TO CLOSE DOWN AND MOVE OUT OF DAYTON. SOME GUY I SPOKE TO OUTSIDE THE WAFFLE HOUSE SAID THE UNEMPLOYMENT RATE IS GONNA RISE BY 50 % & THAT HE WAS LEAVING. HE SAID THINGS ARE BAD NOW BUT THEY'RE JUST GONNA GET WORSE. APPARENTLY HEROIN IS BIG THERE. IT'S CRAZY THAT YOU CAN BUY A HUGE BUILDING HERE FOR LIKE A 100,000 BUT WHO WOULD WANT TO?
6 AM WENT TO BED ON ANOTHER COUCH...NOT THAT ONE
DAYTON'S COOL THO. PEOPLE DIDN'T LOOK AT ME LIKE I WAS PLOTTING TO BLOW UP THE PLACE. OHIO'S DOWN. THEY GOT MAD VINTAGE SPOTS OUT HERE TOO BUT UNFORTUNATELY IT'S THANKSGIVING & EVERYTHING'S CLOSED. IT'S HOME OF THE BENGALS, THE CAVS, & THE REDS. LOT OF HISTORY HERE. OHIO PLAYERS, BONE THUGS, O' JAYS, ISLEY BROTHERS, BOOTSY COLLINS, ROGER TROUTMAN. SHIT IS REAL OUT HERE & WHEN THIS TRACK CAME ON IN THE CAR LAST NITE & I FELT IT SUMMED UP HOW WE FELT ABOUT IT
ARAB PARROT...COMES EQUIPPED. WOKE UP THANKSGIVING & DROVE AN HOUR TO HIS MOM'S CRIB IN THE WOODS
THERE'S A RED HOUSE OVER YONDER
WE MADE IT. AFTER THESE PAST FEW DAYS ON THE ROAD THE BOTH OF US FEEL VERY THANKFUL FOR WHAT WE HAVE, EVEN IF IT AIN'T MUCH. HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU & YOURS FROM THE TWO OF THE US

BIRD EAT BIRD
TOMORROW WE LEAVE FOR NYC. BE THERE TOMORROW NITE TO PARTY DOWN. THIS POST ISN'T OVER YET. IT'S 6AM & WE'RE AT THE RED ROOF IN COLUMBUS. WE JUST GOT BACK FROM A MIDNIGHT BLACK FRIDAY SALE AT THE OUTLETS OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. NAUTICA, POLO, HILNIGGA, & FEELING MAD HOSTILE WEARING AEROPOSTLE. MAYHEM. CRAZED CONSUMERS. ALL TYPES OF RETARDED PEOPLE SHOPPING ALL NITE LONG. JUST WHEN I SAID OHIO WAS COOL I ENDED UP SEEING THE WORST OF IT. I GOT HARRASSED BY COPS FOR TAKING A PICTURE OF A STORE. I ASKED SOME GIRLS IF I COULD ASK EM A QUESTION & THEY LOOKED AT ME IN DISGUST AND SAID NO. McCAIN SUPPORTERS ALL OVER THE PLACE. PEOPLE LOOKED AT ME LIKE I HAD 2 HEADS. STAY TUNED FOR THAT SHIT. SATURDAY NIGHT WE GET TO MIAMI!

JEMZ & I WOULD LIKE TO SHOUT OUT OUR SPONSERS...

VOLVO
MARC JACOBS DRIVING GLOVES
APPLE
ELLEN DEGENERES FOR THE NAVIGATION SYSTEM
AMERICAN SPIRITS
JACK DANIELS
BLACKBERRY
RED BULL
NORTHFACE
LEICA
VANS

NEWS OF THE WORLD WHILE I'VE BEEN ON THE ROAD...

INDIA IS GOIN' OFF
MC BREED DIES
JOHN FORTE PARDONED